It’s about that time…

… to update this blog! So many things have happened since I last wrote, where do I even begin? How about from somewhere in the middle and take it from there.

The pace has been hectic though. I am now being paid at my internship, though not as much as I though. My boss said he’d give me and my other colleague a pay review in Sept by I said that it was too long and the pay too little, so he gave me a raise in the mean time, but it’s still not that great. Anyhow… I am very frustrated about this because I know what his game is. He can only afford to keep one of us employed full time, aside from the fact that he’s extremely cheap, he wants to keep us both for 1/2 price. The worst thing is that I’m pretty sure he can afford us to keep us both on a good payroll, but like I said, he has to be one of the cheapest people I’ve ever met in my life. Let me give you an example or two:

a. When a colleague of mine gave him his expense receipts for the month, he got yelled at for looking for a new envelope to put them in, instead of one that had already been used (which he had to fetch from the trash can).

b. He did not want me to print some 200 pages worth of legal documents he asked me to read and take notes on, insisting that I read them on my pc monitor instead. Fuck that, I printed them.

c. Buys the cheapest pens, office supplies, etc. he can find to the point it’s ridiculous.

I could go on, but I’ve forgotten most of them, there’s so many of them. At first I thought I was the one thinking this. Until I had dinner with the boss of another office, who had come to visit, and told me the same thing. That pretty much sealed it. Ok, I’m done bitching about my boss. Moving on.

I’ve started trading now. This has only been my first week, but it’s fascinating. Very new, very exciting, very risky. Interestingly enough, even with proper models to trade on, the biggest risk is yourself. I’m reading a book on trading, and it seemed to describe exactly everything I was feeling, the fear, the greed, the despair, the excitement. For all the talk about quantitative trading and methodology, it’s the human emotions that one has to master in order to trade successfully. I think that’s part of the reason that automated trading is so profitable -machines are cold. Also, when you put your money where your mouth is, that’s where you really scrutinize your models. Will keep at it, am loving it, if only for the learning experience.

K & I are still together, it’s great having her as a girlfriend. I love going out to dinner with her, taking her to shows. Doing proper dating dates. The only thing that I haven’t done yet is go out of the city for a day or two. I kind of want to because I really want to get out of the city for a weekend break also. We’re both so busy though. She works weekends, and does an internship during the week. I get to Friday and am completely knackered. It affects the sex too. I think we’re both too tired to be really adventurous. We’ve had sex in many different places though, to keep it interesting. We’ve had sex in both flatmate’s rooms, the couch, mine and her bathroom, even in an alley near High Street Kensington. We agree to go to a sex shop sometime soon, should be good I think.

I’ve met up with my sarging friends a few times, even though I haven’t really tried too hard. I’ve lost a bit of practice, but have tried to read a lot to keep up to date. Still, these people… I’m uneasy because I don’t know if they see each other as real friends, just sarging friends. It’s a little strange, don’t know.

One thing I need to do is get in shape. I haven’t really exercised in a long time. I’ve been promising myself to do it for ages now, so I’m going to do something about it. I think it had something to do with the uncertainty of not knowing about my routine.

Well, that’s that. Oh, and the world cup is on. Woohoo! I’ll try to remember more details in time, and will put up some some specific posts soon. If anything to clear up my thoughts.

Good vibes,

-J.

So there’s this girl…

who is fucking amazing! K is just awesome. We’re still dating, and we are slowly turning into a couple. I also love the fact that she is so open in bed. She’s a few years older so she has more experience, and the fact that we are open and talk about things is great, because we can be honest about what she wants, what I want, and in the end it makes the sex and the relationship better.

I’m still seeing my sarging friends though. They’re cool guys, and I’ve done some street game lately, but it’s more about learning than actually getting anywhere. I have to say that I am improving. Although this is what I’m talking about, I can’t just let my game rest while I’m dating. There’s something inside me that pushes me to keep going out and meeting women. I guess as long as I don’t do anything stupid, it’s harmless. But that’s the thing, I don’t know if I can or want to… I’m a retard in this sense, but oh well. Given that I don’t have great game right now means that K has nothing to worry about.

I’m still doing my internship and in the mean time have looked for a few other things, I’m supposed to have 2 interviews soon, one at a private bank, the other at a trading firm. I’m not sure when they’ll happen though. This internship looks like my boss is starting to be keen on keeping me, which is really good. It also means I have to start working hard and deliver results, which will give me experience, keep my options open, and add to my CV. So this week, after the long break, I’m gonna really work hard.

Also, I need to exercise, it’s something I’ve realized I need to do. I stopped when I started my internship and it’s starting to affect me, if you know what I mean. I get tired too soon, and it’s pissing me off. So starting Tuesday, I’m going to the gym again, like before.

Maybe when I’m not so tired I’ll write more details. For now it’s more about keeping this blog alive.

Happy long weekend!

-J.

So it is a Date

So last Saturday, the plan was on with the guys: Guanabara, 10pm. I had texted K earlier in the day to ask if she had heard what happened in Katyn. She replied, I gave my condolences, and for some reason decided to invite her to come along that night. She called a little later saying she was going to the Polish embassy to light a candle and might join later. When she called again at 7pm, she wanted to know if I was still at home, I said I was, and because it was still early I said I’d meet her and we could go to the Embassy and then for a drink. We went, met some of her friends, stayed a while, and then decided to go to one of K’s friend’s house for a drink. This, of course, meant about a half a bottle of vodka per person by the end of the night. It was fun, and in my mind I knew it was enjoying myself because I was with K. The guys were alright too, but I knew I went there to be with her. I ended up staying at her place that night. The next day, I woke up with a massive hangover, and she was already at work. After getting dressed, I went into the kitchen and had tea with K’s house-mates, who were surprisingly happy to see me. I never realized they actually “approved,” which always helps I guess :) and they are really sweet girls also.

But again, we weren’t actually dating, the deal was she didn’t know what she wanted. Sunday, I decided it was time to make up my mind, and yes, I do want to be with her. I know she wanted me to be the one to make the next move. It’s all about showing you’re committed, and in case of a falling out it leaves her the freedom to say that in retrospect it wasn’t her who pushed for it -I might just be pessimistic here, but I don’t think I am. On Monday I called her up from work and asked her to have dinner with me on Tuesday, she said yes, and I could sense she was happy I asked. I was too, that 2 minute conversation made the rest of my day, and all I could think about was how it would be.

Before calling K, I made reservations at a nice restaurant. For this, had to weight between cost and ambience, because let’s face it: I’m not swimming in money. I think I made the right choice, though. Small, nicely decorated, cheery, and with good food. Girls have to understand, it’s not just about the whole “it’s a date” thing, putting unnecessary pressure on everyone. Sometimes we do like having a nice meal at a nice place. Adding to that, I wanted to do something different than what we normally did as friends, which involved going to bars and getting hammered, running around in the street doing crazy shit, meeting strangers and taking the piss, or staying out all night at a club till sunrise. Essentially, I wanted to take her out on a normal date. But, above all of this, I wanted to get to know her more. I mean, we’ve known each other for a long time, but this is what I’m talking about, just the two of us in a nice place, focused on us.

We talked, we ate, had some (good!) wine, she told me a little more about her life… Mainly the details of her time living elsewhere in Europe, Spain, the Netherlands, growing up in Poland, some of the guys she’s been with, some of the situations she’s found herself, how she sees herself now. I always had an idea of her life story and where she wants to be, but this time I wanted to hear as many of the details from her -the important ones anyway, and try and put it all together.

K is one of the few people I know, who’s life I consider is more interesting than mine. Towards the end of dinner, this realization got me in a strange mood all of the sudden, and before waiting for our coats, I excused myself to the toilets so I could regroup. Fortunately, it worked. It wasn’t too late, so when I got back I suggested we walk a little and have a drink. We found a little pub and sat on some couches. We talked a little more, and at one point there was a silence, it felt right, and in my mind I was already determined, so I pulled into my arms. She leaned her head on my shoulders, then I turned and kissed her. We snogged for a little (such a British term!), and then stayed like that for a moment. When she sat back straight again she turns to me and says “ok, so it is a date”. We both laughed, and it felt good.

So there it is. We are now are dating. We’ll go from here, see what happens as always. I’m happy though, I didn’t know if I would be, but I am! :D

-J.

Short Post-Madness

So after I slept with K. we saw each other again the following weekend, and spent pretty much Sunday and Monday of last week together. We didn’t have sex, mainly because we stayed up all night dancing at some warehouse in Brick Lane till 7am. I could not believe this girl’s endurance at 29. I was ready to go home by around 4am. It was interesting also the social dynamics, because even though we’ve gone out at night many many times, she always stayed in the group, or it was just the two of us or what not. This time she was out there to dance. This girl was attracting all sorts of attention, from all kinds of guys. It was pretty amazing. It just goes to show just how much more women are approached by men. I was approached five times in the night, and only one was a girl mildly interested in me, the other four were blokes offering pills and cocaine. I am quite proud of myself though, for being able to play it cool, pretend like it didn’t bother me and have her come back to me time and time again. I’d never been with a girl that attracted that much attention before, so it was a first in that sense. The next day we talked and she essentially said she wants to stay friends. I said something along the lines of:

Me: Oh, come on. We’re both adults, we can handle it. I like you, you know that, but I also I know myself, and I would not say I couldn’t handle it if I knew it wasn’t true.
K.: I know, but it can get complicated, sex always does that.
Me: What do you think the complications can be?
K.: I don’t know
Me: Name one
[pause]
K.: I don’t think I’d function well in an open relationship.

I was not expecting that.

So yeah… I mean… I don’t know what to make of it. She said she preferred to put the whole thing on hold for now, which is fair. We’re not right for each other -she knows it, I know it… but I can’t help it, I really really like her. And then again, I’m an animal. I can’t see myself being exclusively with her. What the fuck is wrong with me? It’s not like I have women coming and going in and out of my bedroom at all times.

Yesterday I called her from work, told her that a bunch of my friends were going out, if she wanted to join (no plan was in place at this time). She said no, that she was staying at home doing job applications (she’s currently between careers), and she works Saturday. I was about to propose that I go to her place and make her dinner and chill out, I know she really likes that, but I didn’t. I really felt like I needed to go out with the guys for a night and clear my head. So I said ok, maybe some other time and we talked ’till my lunch break ended.

I got home, and before I had the chance to re-charge my phone and start calling people, the French Girl and the Girl Across From Me asked me if I wanted to go out with them. I said sure, and we went to a friend of the FG’s flat. We drank, etc. And later went to a club called Movida. Very posh. Long story short: I made out with the FG, and then later she disappeared to make out (and eventually sleep with) her friend in front of me, while I took care of the GAFM, who was completely wasted, and took home at around 3am.

Today when FG came back to the flat, she came to my room saying she was really sorry about the whole thing, that she was really trashed. I told her that we’re cool and that there’s not really much to say about it. And she went on about how we have to talk about things and not keep them inside, blah blah….

I really don’t care. I actually don’t know why I kissed her in the first place with all this shit going on with K. But what exactly was she apologizing for? For making out with me? For going off to make out with her friend immediately after and sleeping with him? For leaving me with a drunken GAFM and having to take care of her? Exactly what the fuck was she apologizing for?

I need to get away from the women in my life. I called up the guys, see if we can go out tonight. I want to hook up with younger girls, girls with less emotional baggage, less drama.

Gah!

-J.

Something Did Give

Yesterday was Easter, and I had two parties to attend. The first was a BBQ in Wimbledon with a few friends, including K., and A. & M., who I’ve mentioned before. The other was a my place, a Korean BBQ with my flatmate’s friends, the French Girl’s friends included. I had missed the last few dinners that took place at my house, mainly because the Big Boss was here. This time I promised to show up, and invited K. along as well, because she had not been to my place since before the French Girl moved in. I know that on some level I have been trying to avoid K. and FG meeting, but I figured they were eventually going to meet anyway, and it was time.

In Wimbledon, there wasn’t so much of a party going on as much as a get together, just a few friends hanging around, playing drinking games. At one point we went outside and tossed around a pigskin, which was cool because I hadn’t done it in ages. The whole time I was there, I had two beers. K., on the other hand, decided she was going to do double shots of whisky. K. and I left together, on the train ride she told me about how she had a big argument with her mother, and I listened.

When we got to my place, the dinner party was in full swing. Not huge, because our place can’t accommodate, but something like 12-15 ppl. And probably just as many bottles of alcohol. This thing had started at 7, and we got in around 10, but fortunately one of my Korean flatmates, let’s call her the Girl Across From Me, made another batch of everything! So good. Everyone joined in for round too, there was soo much food. Korean BBQ, dumplings, stir fried noodles, Korean pancakes (?), and more. Yum. At one point we had to make a beer run, to re-fuel the party. Everyone had a lot to drink, myself included.

So yes, K. finally met FG, with whom for the record nothing ever happened, in fact, she’s sort of seeing someone. But still, we flirt a lot in a friendly manner. The world didn’t implode, but FG did try to get my attention a little more than usual, and K. went off to do a little flirting of herself. I knew that would happen.

Things started to get interesting at around 3am. Some people started to leave, and with a little more room, a few of us started dancing, K. and I included. We both had way too much to drink, and our dancing was definitely physical. After a few songs, I sat back down and she sat down on my lap and hugged me. We continued talking, drinking, people started further dispersing. At one point K. goes up to the loo, and a minute after I head upstairs also. I went into my room and K. on seeing me walked in, I held her, we looked at each other and started kissing.

It finally happened.

It’s been what I wanted for a while now, and I’m still trying to get my head around it -I know she is too. We both know that we’re still just friends, but I also know that now our friendship won’t be the same. Sex always changes things.

I’m gonna see her again on Sunday. Again, we’ll see.

Tonight I’m supposed to go out with FG, the GAFM, and my other housemate’s ex-boyfriend, who used to live w/ us. He’s a really cool guy, it’ll be nice to see him again but I need to take it easy after last night.

Right now I have to start helping clean the place up. It’s as if a whirlwind came in and threw everything all over the place -in more ways than one.

-J.